For traumatic wounds to heal, usually the victim of abuse requires closure. There requires one final interaction of victim with her tormentor in which he acknowledges his misconduct and even asks for an apology. Fat chance though. Very few abusers – especially who are narcissistic – have been amenable to weakling pleasantries like these. Usually, the abused has been left to wallow in a her poisonous stew of self-pity, misery and self-recrimination.
Depending on the duration, severity and nature of the abuse, there can be three forms of effective closure.
1. Conceptual Closure:
This is the most common variant of closures. It involves a frank dissection of the abusive relationship. The parties are asked to meet each other in the presence of a mediator to analyze what went wrong. They discuss to allocate blame and guilt, to learn their lessons, and to part their ways as amicably as possible.
The abuser also disabuses the victim of the notion that she, was guilty or responsible, in any way, for her maltreatment. This helps remove the guilt from victims mind that that she deserved to be punished, it was her fault, and that she should have tried to save the relationship. With this burden completely gone, the victim is once again ready to resume her life. She becomes emotionally stable and strong to seek a new companion and love elsewhere.
2. Retributive Closure:
When the abuse is “gratuitous” (sadistic), protracted, and repeated conceptual closure is not good enough. Retribution is called for, an element of vengeance, of restorative justice and a restored balance. Recuperation hinges on punishing the delinquent and merciless party. The penal intervention of the Law is often therapeutic to the abused.
Most of the times, the understandable emotions of victim lead to abusive acts. A lot of of the tormented stalk their abusers and take the law into own hands. Abuse breeds abuse.
3. Dissociative Closure:
Absent the two forms of closure, victims of prolonged and egregious and cruel mistreatment tend to repress their painful memories. In extreme cases, they dissociate. The Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) – formerly known as “Multiple Personality Disorder” – is thought to be result of such an act. The harrowing experiences are “sliced off” and attributed to “another personality”.
Sometimes, the victim tries to assimilate his/her tormentor and even openly and knowingly identifies with him. This can be termed as the narcissistic defense. In his own anguished mind, due to helplessness, the victim becomes omnipotent and, hence, invulnerable. He/she develops a False Self inside her. The True Self is, thus, thought to be protected from further damage, harm and injury.
According to the theories of psychopathology, the cause of all manner of mental health disorders lies in repressed content rendered unconscious. The victim thus pays a very hefty price for avoiding and evading his/her predicament.