Struggling With Divorce?
This short guide is aimed at No Fault, or No Contest Divorce, but it will work for whatever
your situation might be, and it works ie, it’ll save you money, and a ton of peace of mind as
well.
The first thing you’ll need is a calm head, and a bit of clear thinking. If you can bear to be
in the same room as each other, and you are 100% convinced that divorce is the only
answer, then try this:
Try and meet somewhere neutral, not a bar, as we don’t want alcohol guiding poor
judgement, nor do we want interfereing friends present (however well intentioned).
The purpose of your meeting is to decide where to go from here, and more
importantly, who gets what.
This will help with the proceedings and it will aslo help both of you see what you will both
be walking away with – equally importantt in my book.
Now I am assuming that at this stage, you both have resigned yourselves to divorce, and
are both fairly happy with walking away with what you can, as well as some shred of
dignity.
For those that aren’t interested in this noble route, then try THIS. This is much more
devious, and is aimed at men, but if the ladies can gain an insight, then why not?
What you are going to do once you have talked, and verbally decided what you should
each get, is divide things up starting with the house contents.
If the meeting thing is not a good idea just yet – but you still want to both come away
happy, then you can make verbal lists, type them, fax them, email, whatever you want – but
at some stage, you are both going to have to walk round the house and make a very
detailed list of everything you have.
The reason for this is simple – divide your stuff up, without a clock ticking away the dollars,
without expensive phonecalls or arbitration over dining room tables etc, and whats more its
free – and it’ll help you have a clear picture of exactly what to expect. I know its going to
be hard, and it will be much easier if you can do this on separate days – ideally with the
person going first making the list of everything, and I mean everything – cds, dvds, cups,
pets, rugs, hifi and tv, everything.
Once they have made a master list for both of you, they can copy it, and place a check by
the things they would like – they can hand the original list (without checks), to the partner,
and they can then walk around and make similar check marks.
Do this a few times, and try and check the things you really would like, and not things
you’d like just so you can annoy your ex. Once this is completed, you can move on and do
the same with your bank accounts and other assets.
Remember, you have still not engaged a lawyer at this stage, this is all you guys, and it’s
cost nothing so far; just some self discipline, and a bit of time. The idea is to each have a
general idea of what the other wants to take away – and please, if you don’t want
something but know your partner will be upset if they don’t get it, do the right thing, and let
them have it.
Right, you can take a few days each over this, and walk around the house a few times, to
make sure everything is covered, if anything is missing from the list, add it, and let your ex
know.
Next, we will add the list into a document, or simply scan it and email it to your partner, or
hand them a copy.
Then, you each get a day or two with the others list, and yours, side by side.
Make another list of the things you are willing to concede on, and the ones that simply
cannot be given to the other.
Send these back and forth as required, until you have come to some semblence of an
agreement. This will be tough, and very stressful, but get it done, and you are good to go.
Prepare a final list (two lists actually) with both your names and what each of you wants.
For example:
John
Bed and all linen
Entire CD collection (full list attached).
Colin the dog.
Sony 32″ LCD TV (TS2112)
and so on…
Judy
Keith & Polly (Pet cats)
Dolphin dining room set (list pieces)
Giant Mountain Bike (Ladies)
and so on…
Sorry, but we are not quite finished yet…
Now do the same stages for the property you own, and if it’s not owned outright, who will
continue to live in the home, and what percentage of mortgage (if not all), are they going to
pay. What will happen to the home once it is paid for. What share shall each party get
should the property be sold etc.
Repeat for bank accounts, credit card accounts, loans, cars and car payments etc.
I appreciate that this is tedious, and dull, and extremely stressful. But you will save a load
of money, and some stress in the long run.
So in the end, you should have a complete list, of everything you owned between you, and
again I must say, this is pretty much it for no contest type divorces.
Type it up, and make it look good, it might also be an idea to get it witnessed by 2
independant individuals.
Now you can either use this as a document for the division of property, and a useful
reference should those rows begin, or you could get a lawyer between you, and ask them
to make your document, a legal one. This should only cost a few hundred dollars.
And thats it.
I wish you the very best of luck during this horrible time.
The Divorce Insider